i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Green mimosas i think yes
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
