If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
