I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
