So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
