In the future we'll all be gay
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
