I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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