We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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