yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
