I want to walk on stilts...naked
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
