You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
