I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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