Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
