So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
only if we run a train.
done.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
