At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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