to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
