Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
