If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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