I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
