if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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