Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize