I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
