Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
