he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
