People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
