i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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