farters have to be the big spoon...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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