it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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