I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
