I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
