i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
