I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
