ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They took my balls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
