I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize