All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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