No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize