At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
