yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
