All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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