I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You did what with his pubic hair?
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