I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
