im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
