we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ketchup is God's man juice
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
