My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
