I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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