What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
