he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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