the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
