so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
