so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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