i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
