You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
