Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
