you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
