Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
