idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
