saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
