This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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