He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
