my mouth tastes like poor choices
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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