so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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