So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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