U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
