I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
