I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
