Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
