We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
