Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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