I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
