I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
